I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
