I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
