this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
