Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
