yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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