im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
