I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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