You're my little dorito
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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