I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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