Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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