You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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