3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
