how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
