hotel room ftw
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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