Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
