my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
