You're so nebulous sometimes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
