ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
