My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
