Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
