Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
