Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
