U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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