I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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