I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
