At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
