So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
