so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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