Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
