I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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