I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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