I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
