I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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