You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
