i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
