I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
