I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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