i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this will be a night to untag.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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