you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
