I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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