Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
