I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
