I wish i was in the wii world.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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