: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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