oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
