my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
