I wannas sexs uuuuu
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Found your dick twin last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
third nipple confirmed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
