Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
