i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
