I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
