Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
